if prayers had wings

God,

i'm at a loss. i feel helpless, or useless. despite prayers and words of advice and comfort and everything else, everything's still falling apart. it's like everything's going wrong all at once. what am i supposed to do? i choose not to believe that i am to do nothing. it doesn't make sense.

i Love Llaura, and Alissa, and Lisa, and everyone else in their family. i can't just sit here. Llaura's abandoned me, Lisa is at her wits' end, Alissa is hating her own mother, and now they have to leave because of choices made and habits unbroken and lessons unlearned. i don't want any of them to leave each other. when You introduced me to Llaura's family, i thought You were going to do something miraculous, like restore the marriage. now, the family's breaking down even more, and i can't seem to do anything about it.

why will You not act, God? why does Your omnipotent hand rest? don't you see that we're drowning?

the wind and waves obey you, but hardened hearts have been broken, perhaps beyond repair. yet i know that You are called the Physician. i'm only a servant. but didn't You say we would do incredible things, too? aren't we supposed to strengthen and expand Your kingdom by Your Spirit's power? send me some kind of power, God! do something! please...

anything... to show us You're at work. anything, to show us that You will bring healing. and though i may be powerless, God, work through me, and break the hardened hearts so that Love can reign.

if my prayers have wings, God, let them bring back olive branches.

please bless my feeble but faithful efforts.

please show Your power tomorrow.

please pour Yourself into Alissa's heart and make her soft clay in Your hands.

please be evident in Llaura's circumstances & actions.

please do not let this family be torn apart again.

please grant Your children peace and joy.

please give me, Andrew, and Brad good rest tonight.

please give me some time with the sisters tomorrow.

please help me prepare for next semester, and don't let me leave here until Your work through me is done.

please teach me to be faithful in action, as well as in spirit.

please be the Hero out of Stories, and prove that You still do miracles.

please defeat the enemy and give victory to your warriors.

please come with me, and go with me, and speak with me, tomorrow, and the next day, and every day that You have set aside for me to do Your work, especially and specifically in the lives of Llaura, Alissa, and Lisa.

i hurt for them so much, God... i am happy to bear this pain if it means reaping the fruits of the Spirit afterwards. please don't let this happen. Your will be done, God, but i know that Your will is for all to find more than ideals in 1 Corinthians 13. i know that you are in the business of transforming people. i know that Your greatest joy is to be glorified through us, Your creation. i know that the greatest of these is Love. i know that you Love us, God. please show us.

make tomorrow's words meaningful, God. capture the hearts of all who have ears to hear. bring them past the curtain of music and into the quiet place where Your words are spoken.

i don't know what else to pray, God, but may my bleeding heart be like a burnt offering that brings a smile to Your face, moving You to move us.

i can't stop, God. there's too much inside to contain. i have to, i have to... keep praying. it's getting late. i need rest... but they need You more than anyone needs me. i'm not worried about doing well. i'm concerned about the worshippers tomorrow. help me lead them to You. help me make them forget what i'm doing, and open their spiritual eyes to see what You are doing.

i need Your help, God. i need Your help. i need Your voice to shake the mountains of pride, bitterness, anger, doubt, lack of faith/hope, and strife. i need Your grace to cover multitudes of sin. i need Your mercy and compassion to heal the hurting. i need something, God. whatever it is i need, You are the only one who can give it. they need it, God. please grant them their spiritual bread. please make them hunger and thirst.

please make me a friend and not a bible-basher. please help me be a prophet and not a tyrant. please put Your divine charisma into the words i choose, and help me choose them wisely. please do not sit idle while Your children are being torn from each other. please restore, renew, revive, reconcile, and resurrect.

You are the only one, God, the Only One. 'if i had ten thousand tongues, i would praise You with every one.' You are the mightiest, the gentlest, the wisest, the most Loving. change us! infect us! spread throughout us and do for their family what You have done for me so many times: rescue us.

please keep Llaura here.

please give Alissa a home.

please bring Lisa back to you.

please don't let this happen... don't let them be shipwrecked...

even those who don't know You are sending help to those in need. i know You are far greater than them, God, that Your mercy doesn't end, that Your Love isn't limited. show us these truths, Father.

please bring Llaura, Your beLoved, the clarity she needs. give her a direction and a purpose and a Right-ness. show her the way to go, God. guide Your daughter. she belongs to You, God. take her and make her more and more like You.

please show Alissa the darkness in her life, and convict her. re-introduce her to Your son, Christ Jesus, and bring her from life, through death, into new life, zoe.

please use Lisa and her authority to build a home on a strong foundation. remind her that she loves her family.

i am undertaking a huge quest, God. i'm a character in Your story, now, and i won't let the pages turn without me moving to Your theme song. i will not not try. though i may have no faith in myself, i have faith in You, God, so please do something with me! i'm a willing servant! i have two hands, and two feet, and a mouth to speak with. i have a car, and money, and time, and Love, and everything else You've given me, God. i want to use it. please give me a task. God. please set before me a quest that is of utmost importance to You. give me an adventure that leads to the liberation of slaves, the breaking of chains, and singing of praise to Your name.

more, God. i can take more, because You've emptied me of filth and filled me with Trinity. pour me out on the cracked and dry vessels that have lain in the dust for too long. lead me as i lead them to green pastures and still waters. restore their souls. guide them in paths of Right-ness for Your famous name's sake. we may be walking in total darkness, and the smell of death and decay may fill the air we breathe, but we don't have to be afraid, because You've promised to stay with us. You discipline us in a way that is comforting, somehow. enemies wait to ambush us, but we sit down and feast together in their sight, on food that You provide. You give us purpose in life, God, setting us aside from everyone else to do Your work, and to be holy by Your holiness. You bless us immeasurably.

and we believe that goodness and mercy will fill each day. our true home, where we can rest and be safe, will be Your shadow, God. we will Live in You, with You, because of You, forever. it wll never end.

Amen.