God, i have alot to say to You, but i'm fading, so i'll only let the most urgent words come out.
i really don't know how to handle these issues. sometimes i'm convinced i can solve any problem, correct any misunderstanding, heal any pain. other times it seems like the whole world is set against me, and the people i want to help the most are the ones fighting me the fiercest. there's nothing more discouraging than trying to Love someone, and failing, not only because you aren't perfect, but because the people you're Loving aren't, either.
You know that my only fear is failure; You know why. failure is the let-down of everything i care most about and work the hardest for. God, i think and feel that i've learned so much, but sometimes it seems none of that matters, and no matter how much of myself i sacrifice, no matter how much i try to make things better, they only get worse, and i hate it because i'm caught between my passion to Love people and the inevitable disaster once i actually try.
i can't sort out the chaos; i can't clean up the mess. it's just beyond me. i hate failing. God please help. bless the people i have wounded; guide me away from what might be dangerous to them; help me figure out what to do about these scissor-hands.
Kyrie eleison...
