devotion

things are different now. not as much as i'd like, but closer to what i intend. and closer to what You desire, i hope. i want it to be real. and i want it to be lasting.

please don't give up, or stop calling me. please keep inviting me. please bring me closer. please help me; i need You. i need You. i need You.

please help me grow.

amen

i'm in it deep

Lord

i feel i'm in desperate need of guidance. if not, then please help me weather the internal storms. if so, then please provide quickly and decisively.

i am Yours and no one else's.

Your word on it

eternal Word

i'm a sinful and selfish coward. i know this because i'm bombarded with sinful selfish cowardly ideas all day long, and they aren't from Satan, and i'm not demon-possessed, and they aren't audible. so they must be coming from me.

i also know it because i'm about to forsake one of my highest values, and i don't yet know why.

therefore, i must have Your word on this matter. i am convinced that if i do not have it, then i will be leaning on my own understanding in the most biblical sense. i want to trust, but i must know what to trust first.

i will wait for Your word. i do not yet know how long i will wait, but i will ask again in about a month, at the end of August. if You have spoken and i have heard by then, i will act. if not, i will either act or wait longer. this plan seems to lack simplicity, but even Occam gets it wrong sometimes, right?

the wait will be extremely painful and difficult. please help me to endure, and make me stronger all the while.

help me worship and please You, because i suck at it.

amen