the other

Lord,

my role in life should not have changed. i am struggling to maintain a sense of direction in the midst of many uncertainties and unresolved matters, and despite the way certain foundational elements are morphing weirdly. but i want to be Yours still, serving, selfless-- not destroying or sacrificing self, necessarily, but putting it to best use.

therefore, in this matter of a difficult friendship that does not make sense to me: please help me do things that make sense. please make me an instrument of peace, kindness, joy, beauty, growth, or whatever the hell i'm supposed to be, because most of the time nowadays, i really have no clue.

please help me serve lovingly. please help me do well.

amen

dragons

Father,

please bless my sister, who contends not with flesh and blood. please make her heart & mind more fully Yours and hers.

amen

weaving

Father

something shook me yesterday, and the echoes today are bothering me. i want to know what You think i should do about them.

i am making my own decisions and becoming different now. i want to be guided, but not a sheep; at least not any person's sheep. i want to follow wisely, not blindly. i don't know exactly what choices i need to make, but i will keep listening.

please deal gently with me. i want to follow.

amen

mindfulness

Lord,

please help me have a better attitude and mindset toward my parents.
and please help me to understand how i should feel about ghost.

i am Yours

hääletu palve

Father

please send Spirit to be with me as i swim, sink, and tread water in these oceans of feelings. i am Yours and no one else's, not even my own.

i am yours; save me

this present darkness

LORD

i'm panicking. please help me, please save me, please don't let me be completely destroyed. please make a way to restore me and restore my relationships. i beg Your grace; i beg Your mercy and kindness and longsuffering and healing. i beg You to rescue me from my sins. i beg You to keep me from darkness and danger. i beg You to grant me a life that pleases You.

though i'm terrified, i will be so bold as to ask even for the favor of men (and women). i want good things for them, and i want to be one source of those good things. i want to be not only trustworthy but trusted as well. i want to be faithful and known as faithful. i want Your blessing and i know i can't earn that from You, but i will work to get it and to keep it, if that's what You require of me.

please help me discern with wisdom the right paths through the murky morass of deception and lies and slander and fear and anger and betrayal. please help me to be a good influence. please help me to bring peace rather than war. please help me to heal and not harm. please help me to do the right thing and to say the right things when i need to apologize or confess or both. please help me fight my past; please help me throw off the darkness that clings to me and hinders me and seeks to end my life.

please help LORD. abba, i need You more than ever

amen

fear and sorrow

Father

their grip is iron. i can't discern whether they are useful or harmful or neither, but i know which of those prayer is, so here i am.

it's backwards. normally i feel like this earlier, and gradually improve. everything is thrown off and i don't know how to deal. maybe it's transition. or maybe just biochemical. i guess what matters most is that i'm here.

i find Your words less comforting than usual as i ride this emotional wave (or trough). i know them to be true but they are not painkillers. they are anchors.

perhaps i am putting too much of this on myself, and not giving You enough room to move. in the past Your word has usually felt like an even greater struggle than "worship music," because at least i can feel through those (and they are far more man-made). but the implanted word, which has the power to save our souls, i accept meekly with [often] no benefit that i can find.

the only thing i have not yet done is maintained a weeks-long (or longer) commitment to take it in. perhaps it is like exercise, and needs two months minimum to sink in.

trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.

i will try. please help me. please help me wake up.

amen