God help me; i have no solution to this problem. it just gets worse the more i try to reason through it. my experience and reason tell me You won't help me with it, but i'm asking You anyway: please solve this for me. it's too much for me to fix, and it's too much for me to carry. please do something wise and good. please do something righteous and Godly. please please please... help me.

submission

authority's great and everything, LORD, but doesn't authority itself have a higher authority? what about tyranny and oppression and power misused? obey your government, honor your parents, give to Caesar what is Caesar's...

i've heard it all, and i really need to know: do You really expect me to submit to evil? i mean, You did, but that was a special situation, right? and You were in it for the well-being of other people, just like i'm in this right now. so how come it's not working out very well?

Holy Spirit, i hesitantly, grudgingly give way to the possibility that something in me needs to change. You're the One to go to for metanoia, right? then i invite You to influence me somehow, whether directly or indirectly, painfully or pleasantly. i'll never truly know whether You did or not, regardless of what happens, but i can at least trust that You heard my request, and cared that i made it.

i am Yours, as always, and i submit myself to Your authority. please help me.

amen.