if you could influence me in just one area, which area would it be, and what would be your goal?

if you could influence me in just one area, which area would it be, and what would be your goal?

Answer here

unceasing

God please hear me! please help me! i am seeking. i am knocking. i am asking. i am desperate. i am weak, poor, broken, ready for any blessing from any source. i feel i'm being torn in two. my life is starting to crumble. i need You to please do something. i don't care what it is as long as You are the One to do it. i am trusting You with everything in my life when i say, do what You will. take away what You don't like; show me what to replace it with. i can handle it. burn me alive if i displease You. remake something better from the dust leftover.

i can accept the natural consequences of my bad choices, and my wrong choices, though i may not know what those are right now. i can accept the way this world works, the way people sometimes reap the fruits of evil whether or not they planted those seeds. i haven't been a perfect sower, but i know that because of You i have planted some good seeds. may i see the fruits of those? why wouldn't You want to multiply them? will You not grant my request for something good, something You want?

give me just one talent to invest, God, and with Your help i will use it to make another. i will not plant it in the ground. give me an opportunity to make You happy with the way i run my kingdom. give me a chance for redemption. i so desperately desire things that i believe You also desire. i am willing to do what it takes; if You wish it, i will give up what i have held on to so tightly. You need only ask, and i will respond. what is it i must do?

should i simply give in to everything? i've expressed great confidence in my ability to endure pain and suffering. is that my task? should i eat my words? if i really am fearless, enduring, strong, should i submit myself for torture and abuse, so that i carry both shares of the damage done? i will do it if that is the answer, Lord! i'm ready. but i need to know that it's right. what does it mean to be subject to one another out of reverence for You? what does it mean to nourish and tenderly care for, when the one being cared for is attacking you? my own flesh is set against me! my house is bitterly divided, and crashing.

whatever it means, Lord, teach me. i will do it!! just grant me a chance to remain loyal to the Word, which was and is and should always be Your self-revelation to me. i have been discouraged to the point of giving up on hearing You, but i am willing to try again. i am willing to trust again, if only a little at a time. maybe You will grow it where i failed to do so.

and what am i to do with this desire to show her her own sin? can i be trusted to handle that well? how can i live like this? i am beaten down constantly. i don't know if i trust You to save me as soon as i feel i need to be saved. i don't think You will always protect me from harm. in fact, i know that You won't. so i come back to my original question: am i to submit myself to torture and abuse, as You did to save us? will my sacrifice be worth it? will it accomplish anything?

if it will, then please tell me, and i will do it. please tell me. i am begging for a word from You. what should i do? i have a tenuous grip on Your Word, Lord. my fingertips claw at the edge of the cliff, and i don't remember the last time i stood on solid ground. i need understanding and guidance. why won't You guide me?

i don't understand the purpose of this suffering, God. i see it as pointless. i have become like one of those for whom i am unwilling to pray. they are born, they suffer, they die. i see them and feel lucky for this life i have, but now i think i am much the same as they are. will You abandon me to suffer and die? it isn't enough for me to obey. i need Your help, else i have been reborn just to suffer and die.

i need You to act. i need You to speak and breathe life into my dying world. i can't live like this. tell me what i am to do; help me do it; do what i can't. touch her, even through me. help me to know when to speak, and what to say. i need that, God. help me to know when to speak, and what to say.

please don't let this be broken forever. please save us. please redeem us. i repent of my choice to let discouragement call the shots. You see me crawling, don't You? You see me seeking? You know my desperate heart. You know how my faith struggles for every breath, how the veil separates me from Your presence. i make a commitment now to do what i can to find You and keep You and remain in You. i pray that You meet me along that path, because i cannot finish the journey otherwise.

i'm not even sure i know what all of this means. i still don't know what to do. i feel a little better for talking to You, but it remains to be seen whether my prayers will avail me at all. i am leaning on Something i cannot feel, and that makes me angry. i feel betrayed. i feel let go. i feel like You have left me to fend for myself. i need something, God, anything. grant me any small grace and i will praise You for it. anything. the smallest blessing in this would give me hope. please be my hope, Jesus.

war

one step forward, two back. as we fall slide down this spiral toward ruin, i pray more and more for redemption. what is the key? what will fix everything? write it out for me. i don't understand what is happening. i don't know what to do. i can't solve this problem myself.

please do anything. please do something tangible. i wait on You. until then, i'm floundering in the dark. i wait on You. tell me what to do. reach down, reach inside, let Your shadow pass over my home, show Your back as You walk by... anything Lord.

i wait on You. please save me before this war claims me.

no one else

You are my only hope right now. i want to depend on You for something good, anything good, anything from You. anything. give me anything at all. give me pain; if it's from You, i will accept it. i will wait.

i am Yours; save me.