a beggar's pleas

Father,

i cannot shake these feelings. i sing, but my heart still bleeds. i cry for healing. i cry for You to save me. i don't like this, God. i HATE IT.

I HATE THIS FEELING.

I HATE BEING FAR APART.

I HATE WHAT SHE'S DOING TO ME.

I LOVE HER ANYWAY.

SHE IS SELFISH AND BLIND.

no matter what i do or think or feel, nothing changes. i don't want to be pitiful anymore. i'm groveling, God, and it is humiliating. i don't know if humbling and humiliating are the same thing.

if this is part of Your plan to restore us, God, please tell me. please tell me i'm going to come out of this. please tell me Llaura is going to come to her senses. please give me a reason to keep going. please stop the pain.

please forgive my mistakes, and reward my perseverance.

i love talking to You.

amen.