birth

i'm a baby Christian all over again. i can barely digest a verse or two at a time, if that; all of my prayers are supplications; my songs are nothing more than sound waves; in silence and solitude, i'm focused on myself and my problems.

if this Psalmist's heart is Your goal for me, my Lord, then we have a very long journey to make... longer than the 2-3 days between CA and IN; longer than the distance between the dependent me and the independent me; even longer, perhaps, than the miles i've already traveled to get here.

i feel incapable, and far from ready... and only just barely willing. my prayer tonight is that You can still do something with the little i have to give.

thank You for leading me here. i'm sorry for my 21 years of disobedient wandering; i sense that i still have more wandering to do. i'm not sure i even believe in the Promise Land, but i do believe in the cloud and the pillar, so here i am, following. weakly. haltingly. but still following.

please don't leave me.

amen