another one?!

i guess it makes sense that you can't just vomit once.

Father,

i have crap. what i've got isn't sufficient. i haven't made the cut. if you removed from me everything that's lame, i'd be nonexistent....

...except for Your Spirit, Your presence, Your work. God, i carry the weight of mishandled relationships (my mishandlings), like broken bones that have already set. maybe You'll have to break them again. maybe this is the next step towards the humility You've been constantly inviting me into in this chapter of my life.

God... i sit here convicted, pretty much ready to do anything. but who knows if that's even enough? who knows if i can Love my "ex-friends" the way i'm supposed to? who knows if this second wind i want to summon is strong enough to bend a blade of grass?

God, just guide me. i don't care if it hurts, or how low i have to bow. i'll squeeze my pride-fattened body (along with all the camels i've been leading around) right through the eye of a needle if it means getting into Your kingdom. or getting Your kingdom, Your authority, into me, i should say.

lastly, for now: thank You for google, God.

amen.